Spore IS Coming

Kotaku reports today that it is only six-months untill the eagerly awaited God-sim Spore is released. They do not specifically comment on platform releases however.

We were told not too long ago that 360 and PS3 versions of the Game were still in development, whereas a PC (and likely DS) version were already complete and ready for release. I would expect that 360 and PS3 gamers are still looking at early 2008 release for their versions.

Purely speculation though, they might have used all that man-power EA has absorbed to create the ports ultra quickly.

Personally, I won’t likely get it for PC unless i’m assured my piece of crap laptop will run it.

I want it and I have wanted it for a long time now, but I would rather wait then play it on a machine worthy of it.

So yes, rest assured that it is coming, albeit slowly.

Regards,
JamesR.

The Orange Box

As I write the end-song to Portal is playing, its now over two days since I purchased The Orange Box and I must say it is everything I had expected, more so in some places. Here’s a brief summary of what I mean:

Half Life 2 & Episode 1 with full commentary in decent graphics is awesome enough, I was expecting at least Deathmatch to make an appearence, but that is alright.

We can break the rest of ‘TOB’ into three pieces, “The Story – Episode 2″, “The Gimmick – Portal” and “The Multiplayer – Team Fortress 2″. Lets talk about Episode 2.

I must admit, the first sections of Episode 2 were extraordinariliy dull. Tunnel after tunnel, cave after cave and filled with those annoying as hell Acid Antlions. A good hour or so in I was wondering when it was really going to start. It started to warm up a bit, as we progressed onto the next series of puzzles involving acquiring a vehicle.

As soon as you get said vehicle it is a whole different game. Open spaces, grand fights and decent numbers of fucking combine. Something the first half of the game seemed fairly devoid of, much to my dismay.

I don’t want to spoil the end of the episode for you, or any of the relevant plot, but rest assured you will not be disappointed. Shock, awe and rage will ensue at various intervals and the “Epic” fight everyone is talking about is good and reasonably difficult. Not COD epic, but definitely epic enough.

Lets talk about Team Fortress 2 a bit. Although, so far, there isn’t a lot I can say about it. You see, 360 users are getting the shaft because of lag and lack of activity at the moment. We are assured a patch is on the way, theres just Microsoft certification left to do.

What I have seen is good though; Sharp stylistic graphics, dynamic and interesting gameplay (not to disimilar to some Ultimate game of Trumps) and interesting map design. Although, its a shame 2Forts is the most played map, because it is arguably not the best.

Balance is an issue though (pre-patch remember) as I think Scouts for one, and Heavy Gunners /w Medics are so ridiculously overpowered. The scout’s advantage may well diminish as latency problems improve, but as things currently stand they can be almost impossible to hit. As for HG + Medic, his high HP and brute force fire power, coupled with the almost overpowered Medic healing gun make him not only a force to contend with, but a practically invulnerable one.

Now, I have left the best (or at least my favourite) till last. Portal. It’s produced by the students who brought you Narbacular Drop (I would hope you’ve tried it by now) and were hired into Valve to produce a similar game in their uber engine.

So far, so good. Uber principle, uber engine. Now the problem with a game with so much potential, is that it will often go wasted. Heck, email me if you want a list of examples. And for the first half dozen or so levels I laughed plenty but admittedly, I wasn’t challenged or particularly intrigued.

Soon enough, it became much more challenging, but you overcome them if you are persistent. You see, the key is in the trailer; You really need to think with Portals. Once you learn how they think you will follow suit soon enough.

Even though I wasn’t expecting much plot besides “I’m an AI – Watch me torture you to death” I was pleasantly surprised. It was entertaining and evocative at the same time. This game MUST be played. Now. By everyone.

Now for a bit of General chatter: The Orange Box is easily worth £40, realistically I would purchase it all for a princely sum of £100~ (if you threw in HL:DM, CS:S and DoD:S) but such is the nature of Valve that they’ll give you pretty much everything.

Sure, I already own HL2 & Episode 1, but why not own it on a 360? With full Commentary? And no Render problems? Ultimately though, PC gamers have a distinct advantage thanks to community maps et al. The true power of the source engine has nothing to do with Valve, but their modding community.

In the future, when my budget catches up with my PC, I will purchase Episode 2, Portal, TF2, L4D, etc again and it will get an even higher score than i’m about to give you simply thanks to the modding community.

Episode 2: 8.8/10
Portal: 9.5/10
TF2: 7.0/10

I Say “The Orange Box is everything I love about Valve.”
One word: Full-Life
It’s: Portal > Half Life 2 > Team Fortress 2
It’s not: Tired > Moddable > Finished yet

Score: 96%

Small Updatery 20/10/07

I haven’t forgotten about you almighty readers! But the Royal Mail seems to have entirely forgotten about me. I am actually waiting on Warriors Orochi which I am to review for Xbox Elite, and from that I was going to post something relevant to review writing.

But well, Royal Mail are cunts. What can I say?

Also, I was planning to have had The Orange Box by now, and I would be ranting and raving about how it’s such awesome value. But alas, I went to see Jimmy Carr last night (awesome) and haven’t had a chance to purchase it.

But I shall do that now and you shall have your Orange Box post by tomorrow evening.

Hope all is well.

Regards,
James

Ps. Ipzay isway away Untcay

20 Important Things to know about the Wii

1. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
2. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
3. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
4. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
5. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
6. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
7. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
8. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
9. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
10. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
11. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
12. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
13. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
14. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
15. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
16. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
17. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
18. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
19. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
20. It’s for kids, and you should be embarrassed to play it.

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Sony! You’re a bit Fat Phoney!

If you keep up with WSAG you’ll know we don’t tend to Lampoon Sony so much as the Wii anymore, but don’t worry Kids, that doesn’t mean we’ve forgiven them.

But picking on the PS3 is like “Playing swing ball with a couple of quadruple amputees” (to borrow a Yahtzeeism) because they just keep digging and digging. Stories of removing backwards compatibility, losing exclusives and even recently HD-DVD was looking very strong against Bluray.

They have finally done something right though, by listening to their customers. A Radical policy change. The sale of “Budget” (£300 lol) PS3s in the UK is set to start soon with the 40GB Models hitting shelves. £300 is pretty good if you fancy just dismantling and reselling the parts for Profit, the Bluray drive has got to be worth £300 on its own on eBay.

However, since they’re losing credibility, Game delays are becoming more common and they’re ditching backwards compatibility, is £300 still too much?

I can’t find confirmation, but based in articles I’ve been reading recently, its likely that they will take out all hardware backwards compatibility (and will unlikely pursue software based) … So basically you’ll have to go and buy another PS2, to get the functionality of the Original PS3s. Doesn’t sound like a price drop at all to me!

I urge you to think before you buy! £300 might seem like a reasonable amount, especially considering you might have retarded friends who paid silly money for theirs – But you will not be getting the same product as them! Sony have been doing everything they can to cut corners with Hardware, so think before you invest! (Just get a 360 for Crying out loud!)

On a side note, whats with Heavenly Sword? Are people seriously going to buy God of War again for the privilege of playing it as a Chick? Only Sony would try and sell their fans the same game twice. Like that new Manraider >_>

Regards,
James.

Ps. Whoever found us whilst searching for “Cortana Porn” or any variant thereof, seriously, get a life.

Nintendo Insult You

Perrin Kaplan, Vice President, Marketing & Corporate Affairs for Nintendo of America, Inc. claims that:

“A major insight that Nintendo had early on was that they saw that gamers were getting bored, even though they didn’t know it yet…”

Wanker. Complete Wanker. And everybody who thinks the Wii is revolutionary is a cunt. Connecting a flash game up to your TV is not revolutionary, you twatsacks, even if you are the first to think of it. You’re the first to fucking think of it because it’s a SHIT idea, not a revolutionary one.

Pretty much every fucking REAL game with REAL fucking developers that I’ve played in the last five years is better and far more entertaining than yet another FUCKING GAME ABOUT MARIO DOING SHIT YOU’VE DONE A MILLION TIMES OVER in games made by small/one-man groups of people for the INTERNET. In fact that’s doing the creators of flash games a disservice, because their games are far superior in every way except for graphics, and that only counts if you say 3D graphics are better than 2D ones, which they fucking aren’t. I guess you don’t understand the internet, or you’d have a decent fucking online service and wouldn’t say so much completely insulting garbage, you spastics.

Halo 3, for example, was about three million times better than anything you can produce. Ever. So stop masturbating in our faces about your undeserved sales and get on with finishing those  already late games for your Mario fantasizing fanboys.

Fuck Perrin Kaplan. And fuck each and every one of you dickheads who bought a Wii and will probably agree with what he says because you’re a mindless cock-sucking drone.

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I’m Sick of PC Fanboys

If there is one thing you learn, when you venture forth onto mainstream gaming forums, its that of all the fanboys in existence the single worst group of inbred mongoloids you’ll come accross are the PC Fanboys.

What is a Pc Fanboy?

Urban dictionary was surprisingly little help when I entered the term for search, I received a fairly large sample of results, the following being the highest ranked:

Hermit
In addition to the standard definition, a ‘Hermit’ is a slang term for a PC afficionado. This definition is mainly used on the System Wars forum of Gamespot.

PC Gaming
PC gaming is a form of gaming superior to console games in graphics, performance, and control.

Often called ‘Dead’ by console fanboys, PC gaming is growing back into the mainstream, due to casual hits such as World of Warcraft and Counter-Strike.

Expensive, and needs to be upgraded slightly every year or two, all games are made on PCs, and true gaming is done on one.

As you can see, the bias is pretty strong – you will see a “System Wars” mentioned. I remember a day when that would’ve meant PC vs Mac, or Nintendo vs Sony, but now it seems the entire Console Market is at war with the PC Market.

A PC Fanboy then, is defined not only as a Fanboy heavily biased in favour of the “Father” platform over the Consoles, but also believe that all Gaming hinges on the very existence of PCs. Eight years ago this was more of a fact as most of the famous publishers of today have their roots in “Bedroom” programming.

Why do they Claim Superiority?

For a PC Fanboy, the entire console market is the retarded cousin of real video gaming. End of. They believe that Gaming started, progressed and will end with the PC Platform. As part of this narrow point of view, they believe that everything and anything developed for the console market is flawed.

Why Flawed I hear you ask … Because PC did it first. The way a PC Fanboy wins his arguments is by pulling out the “Yeah but, [this title] did it first and better!” argument, one I am familiar with.

They are right about one thing though, PC Gaming is where it all begun on any real degree. Without those bedroom coders, gaming may well not exist as we know it today, also they have a particularly potent point when highlighting what came first on the PC.

You need only look at titles like Deus Ex, Half Life, , most Simulators, etc. that were PC exclusively until some shoddy half-port dribbled their way onto the consoles.

The Truth According to Me

PC Gamers try to spread such viral hate against Consoles for two reasons:

1) PC Gaming is becoming unfashionable due to the obscene cost of keeping your PC up to spec and compatible for any given title.

2) PC Gaming is the route of most casual gaming, which they themselves claim is killing gaming.

Womg! How can I justify that one? I’ll tell you how, The Internets. A true casual gamer isn’t the one who plays Halo one hour every other day … or the person who spends 70 Hours a week playing Zuma … But rather the person who checks Addicting Games or Newgrounds when they’re bored.

PC Fanboys fail to realise that its their platform alone which is really the “Casual” Platform. For all our kiddy console games … our Barbie Dreamhorse Adventures and such, there is probably 50 PC Kiddy Games and 100 Flash games you could be playing.

So i’m telling you now, I love my PC. I love PC Gaming, but seriously … For fucks sake.

Shut the Hell up with your childish pointless superiority complex. Unless you’re insulting the Wii.

Regards,
James.

Mass Effect: In Da Hood!

EA is proud to announce the next game in the Mass Effect series – IN DA HOOD!

Play the role of Commander Shepard, the famous black space soldier, as he travels back in time to engage in illegal street races and drug deals!

With a bumping Soundtrack with contributions by artists such as 50 Cent, Sean Paul, The Game, Snoop Dogg and Gwen Stefani, this is the game to own in 2008!

————–

James made the point that somebody should sue EA for monopolising gaming and he might be right.

Fuck EA.

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WeSuckAtGames.com

You may have noticed (you probably didn’t) that we are now officially a Dot Com website.

But don’t worry! None of your bookmarks will be broken!

.blogspot.com and .co.uk all end up here anyway!

However, in the process we lost the .blogger image hosting that was holding all of our Template images together … So for now i’ve photobucketed them.

If they break or whatever, let me know and i’ll sort them out when I can.

Regards,
James.
WSAG Root Admin

Games You Have To Play Before You Die

Welcome to our newest feature! Every now and again the authors here at WSAG will get together and decide on some games we think everyone should play before they die.

This week it was discussed between Mark, Dachande and myself (James). We decided upon 15 Games and here they are! (In no particular order)

1. Half Life 2
   This is, without fail, the single best game every created. Quality of design, innovation at every turn and the protagonist which drives home the belief that Nerds Will rule the world.

2. Command and Conquer: Red Alert
   People say Command and Conquer changed the way we think about Strategy, this is true. However, the C&C game that you have to play before you bite the dust is Red Alert, no ifs, no buts.
3. Theme Hospital
   Its wacky, its crazy and there isn’t another game that has ever been anything like this. Bullfrog’s Theme Hospital actually shunted Syndicate from this list. We all loved this game, you will to.
4. World of Warcraft
   We here at WSAG don’t claim to have a terrible amount of MMO experience but we’ve all played WoW and we agree on one thing about it: You have to play it, WoW is the finest, clearest and the most devastatingly addictive game of it’s kind ever.
5. Starcraft
   This is the single most balanced, ruthlessly effecient, strategy game ever created. You haven’t truly played a strategy game until you’ve played Starcraft. Simple as that.
6. Streets of Rage 2
   Fuck that God of War nonsense, when it comes to battling your way through hordes of stupid enemies, SoR2 is where it’s at.
7. Street Fighter 2
   Because fighting games didn’t really get started until Street Fighter 2 came along, and it’s still one of the most “easy to learn but hard to master” fighters around.
8. Splinter Cell
   Snake doesn’t know what stealth IS. Sam Fisher has to, or he’ll be dead. Hard, but awesome.
9. Max Payne
   Matrix games wished they were this good. A gritty tale of vengeance with spectacular gameplay by a developer who were very small at the time.
10. Monkey Island
    A pirate game of much mirth where you have to ask yourself – is your sword as sharp as your wit? The point and click/adventure games of today owe much to Monkey Island, as do gamers everywhere.
11. Deus Ex
    An FPS/RPG, a rarity in its time you could tackle any situation as you wish but there was always a Risk vs reward system. It made you think before rushing in and every fight was different.
12. Worms
    Pure fun – one of the best party games there is.
13. Unreal Tournament
    One of the best team/objective based shooters on the PC – there’s no need to mess around, it’s easy to pick up and play and great whether you’re alone or online.
14. Jedi Knight 2
    There are loads of Star Wars games and rarely do they get it right, but this one does. It’s got the feel and locations of the movies, an original plot and an interesting character.
15. Sonic 2
    It’s fast paced, genuinely challenging and it’s two player sonic at his best.

Regards,
WSAG Team