Rotten to the Core

It’s been a while since I posted anything and I feel like I should probably weigh in on the whole Gamespot fiasco. I’m sure the article title gives it away mind, but here goes.

Recently Jeff Gerstmann panned Kane & Lynch in a video review for Gamespot, one of my personal sites for telling it like it is, and was promptly given the boot for his troubles.

Surely that can’t be it?

Well yes, that pretty much is it. The story behind it is Eidos (/shit publisher of the year and Publisher of the shit title in question) pulled huge amounts of advertising out of Gamespot after Gerstmann had the nerve to tell it like it is.

Whilst his video review was particularly harsh, it is hardly different from most publications out there. (Gamerankings showing it around the 68%~) Kane and Lych does strike me as a particularly rubbish title of it’s kind.

Can you believe The Getaway of all titles outscored it? The game was so bad it was funny >_>

Anyway, Gamespot have made their position very clear. They value their money bags more than their patrons and they are a disgrace to the gaming industry.

And I thought OXM was bad …

Regards,
James.
WSAG Team.

~ of the Year

Its nearing the end of 2007 and it’s about now that all sensible people with an ear to the industry start to consider who gets what accreditation, such as Game of the Year. Magazines do have a tendancy to do this on release for every 8+ Game (You know who you are) just for a chance to get themselves stamped all over the packaging … But they’re all douches and we know it.

Allow me to take a few liberties and say what my personal “~ Of the Year”s are:

• Person – Me. James. Hah.
• Dust gatherer – The Nintendo Wii
• Paperweight – The Playstation 3
• Letdown – PS3 Firmware 2.0
• Nonevent – Assassin’s Creed
• Timewaster – Madeline McCann
• Shock – America didn’t start any new wars for us
• Facistic Power Usurper – Gordon Brown
• Dickhole Forum Admin – Bin’jamin
• Comic Book Adaptation – 300
• Movie – American Gangster
• Most Hated Religion – Islam
• Rape Case - Warren Jeffs
• YouTuber - PaulsEgo
• Machinima - Ignus Solus[1]
• Innovative Game – Portal
• Tired Genre – JRPG
• Doorstop – PSP
• Format – DVD
• Disease – Bird Flu (Pretend Flu more like)
• RPG – Mass Effect
• Shooter - Call of Duty 4 / HL2: Ep / Team Fortress
• Multiplayer Game - Call of Duty 4 / Team Fortress/ Halo 3
• Developer – Valve / BioWare / Irrational
• Game – I can’t honestly say. Maybe Mass Effect? Maybe (surprisingly) Call of Duty? Not Halo 3 thats for sure.

One brief note, no videos yet … Be patient. Mass Effect review up on Xbox Elite.

Regards,
James.

Spore IS Coming

Kotaku reports today that it is only six-months untill the eagerly awaited God-sim Spore is released. They do not specifically comment on platform releases however.

We were told not too long ago that 360 and PS3 versions of the Game were still in development, whereas a PC (and likely DS) version were already complete and ready for release. I would expect that 360 and PS3 gamers are still looking at early 2008 release for their versions.

Purely speculation though, they might have used all that man-power EA has absorbed to create the ports ultra quickly.

Personally, I won’t likely get it for PC unless i’m assured my piece of crap laptop will run it.

I want it and I have wanted it for a long time now, but I would rather wait then play it on a machine worthy of it.

So yes, rest assured that it is coming, albeit slowly.

Regards,
JamesR.

20 Important Things to know about the Wii

1. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
2. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
3. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
4. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
5. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
6. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
7. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
8. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
9. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
10. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
11. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
12. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
13. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
14. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
15. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
16. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
17. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
18. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
19. IT’S A FUCKING GIMMICK!
20. It’s for kids, and you should be embarrassed to play it.

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Sony! You’re a bit Fat Phoney!

If you keep up with WSAG you’ll know we don’t tend to Lampoon Sony so much as the Wii anymore, but don’t worry Kids, that doesn’t mean we’ve forgiven them.

But picking on the PS3 is like “Playing swing ball with a couple of quadruple amputees” (to borrow a Yahtzeeism) because they just keep digging and digging. Stories of removing backwards compatibility, losing exclusives and even recently HD-DVD was looking very strong against Bluray.

They have finally done something right though, by listening to their customers. A Radical policy change. The sale of “Budget” (£300 lol) PS3s in the UK is set to start soon with the 40GB Models hitting shelves. £300 is pretty good if you fancy just dismantling and reselling the parts for Profit, the Bluray drive has got to be worth £300 on its own on eBay.

However, since they’re losing credibility, Game delays are becoming more common and they’re ditching backwards compatibility, is £300 still too much?

I can’t find confirmation, but based in articles I’ve been reading recently, its likely that they will take out all hardware backwards compatibility (and will unlikely pursue software based) … So basically you’ll have to go and buy another PS2, to get the functionality of the Original PS3s. Doesn’t sound like a price drop at all to me!

I urge you to think before you buy! £300 might seem like a reasonable amount, especially considering you might have retarded friends who paid silly money for theirs – But you will not be getting the same product as them! Sony have been doing everything they can to cut corners with Hardware, so think before you invest! (Just get a 360 for Crying out loud!)

On a side note, whats with Heavenly Sword? Are people seriously going to buy God of War again for the privilege of playing it as a Chick? Only Sony would try and sell their fans the same game twice. Like that new Manraider >_>

Regards,
James.

Ps. Whoever found us whilst searching for “Cortana Porn” or any variant thereof, seriously, get a life.

Nintendo Insult You

Perrin Kaplan, Vice President, Marketing & Corporate Affairs for Nintendo of America, Inc. claims that:

“A major insight that Nintendo had early on was that they saw that gamers were getting bored, even though they didn’t know it yet…”

Wanker. Complete Wanker. And everybody who thinks the Wii is revolutionary is a cunt. Connecting a flash game up to your TV is not revolutionary, you twatsacks, even if you are the first to think of it. You’re the first to fucking think of it because it’s a SHIT idea, not a revolutionary one.

Pretty much every fucking REAL game with REAL fucking developers that I’ve played in the last five years is better and far more entertaining than yet another FUCKING GAME ABOUT MARIO DOING SHIT YOU’VE DONE A MILLION TIMES OVER in games made by small/one-man groups of people for the INTERNET. In fact that’s doing the creators of flash games a disservice, because their games are far superior in every way except for graphics, and that only counts if you say 3D graphics are better than 2D ones, which they fucking aren’t. I guess you don’t understand the internet, or you’d have a decent fucking online service and wouldn’t say so much completely insulting garbage, you spastics.

Halo 3, for example, was about three million times better than anything you can produce. Ever. So stop masturbating in our faces about your undeserved sales and get on with finishing those  already late games for your Mario fantasizing fanboys.

Fuck Perrin Kaplan. And fuck each and every one of you dickheads who bought a Wii and will probably agree with what he says because you’re a mindless cock-sucking drone.

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I’m Sick of PC Fanboys

If there is one thing you learn, when you venture forth onto mainstream gaming forums, its that of all the fanboys in existence the single worst group of inbred mongoloids you’ll come accross are the PC Fanboys.

What is a Pc Fanboy?

Urban dictionary was surprisingly little help when I entered the term for search, I received a fairly large sample of results, the following being the highest ranked:

Hermit
In addition to the standard definition, a ‘Hermit’ is a slang term for a PC afficionado. This definition is mainly used on the System Wars forum of Gamespot.

PC Gaming
PC gaming is a form of gaming superior to console games in graphics, performance, and control.

Often called ‘Dead’ by console fanboys, PC gaming is growing back into the mainstream, due to casual hits such as World of Warcraft and Counter-Strike.

Expensive, and needs to be upgraded slightly every year or two, all games are made on PCs, and true gaming is done on one.

As you can see, the bias is pretty strong – you will see a “System Wars” mentioned. I remember a day when that would’ve meant PC vs Mac, or Nintendo vs Sony, but now it seems the entire Console Market is at war with the PC Market.

A PC Fanboy then, is defined not only as a Fanboy heavily biased in favour of the “Father” platform over the Consoles, but also believe that all Gaming hinges on the very existence of PCs. Eight years ago this was more of a fact as most of the famous publishers of today have their roots in “Bedroom” programming.

Why do they Claim Superiority?

For a PC Fanboy, the entire console market is the retarded cousin of real video gaming. End of. They believe that Gaming started, progressed and will end with the PC Platform. As part of this narrow point of view, they believe that everything and anything developed for the console market is flawed.

Why Flawed I hear you ask … Because PC did it first. The way a PC Fanboy wins his arguments is by pulling out the “Yeah but, [this title] did it first and better!” argument, one I am familiar with.

They are right about one thing though, PC Gaming is where it all begun on any real degree. Without those bedroom coders, gaming may well not exist as we know it today, also they have a particularly potent point when highlighting what came first on the PC.

You need only look at titles like Deus Ex, Half Life, , most Simulators, etc. that were PC exclusively until some shoddy half-port dribbled their way onto the consoles.

The Truth According to Me

PC Gamers try to spread such viral hate against Consoles for two reasons:

1) PC Gaming is becoming unfashionable due to the obscene cost of keeping your PC up to spec and compatible for any given title.

2) PC Gaming is the route of most casual gaming, which they themselves claim is killing gaming.

Womg! How can I justify that one? I’ll tell you how, The Internets. A true casual gamer isn’t the one who plays Halo one hour every other day … or the person who spends 70 Hours a week playing Zuma … But rather the person who checks Addicting Games or Newgrounds when they’re bored.

PC Fanboys fail to realise that its their platform alone which is really the “Casual” Platform. For all our kiddy console games … our Barbie Dreamhorse Adventures and such, there is probably 50 PC Kiddy Games and 100 Flash games you could be playing.

So i’m telling you now, I love my PC. I love PC Gaming, but seriously … For fucks sake.

Shut the Hell up with your childish pointless superiority complex. Unless you’re insulting the Wii.

Regards,
James.

Mass Effect: In Da Hood!

EA is proud to announce the next game in the Mass Effect series – IN DA HOOD!

Play the role of Commander Shepard, the famous black space soldier, as he travels back in time to engage in illegal street races and drug deals!

With a bumping Soundtrack with contributions by artists such as 50 Cent, Sean Paul, The Game, Snoop Dogg and Gwen Stefani, this is the game to own in 2008!

————–

James made the point that somebody should sue EA for monopolising gaming and he might be right.

Fuck EA.

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Nintendo Business Strategy

Step 1. Take Gamecube.

Step 2. Put Gamecube innards in white case.

Step 3. Add shit gimmicky controls.

Step 4. Market for casual gaming market, therefore bringing games down to lowest common denominator for everybody.

Step 5. Don’t even attempt new IP.  Just keep whoring out your already tired,  shit-encrusted franchises.

Step 6. ???

Step 7. Profit!

Fuck Nintendo. Or is that pedophilia?

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Battlestar, Condemned and Atonement

I’ve been putting off any real content article for a few days now, honestly I’m just hesitant to try and textualise my thoughts until I’ve completed a review of Warriors Orochi I’m doing for Xbox Elite – but it has yet to arrive and my thoughts are rattling through my head now.

So here we go, you get a Triple header – Three reviews in one post!

Battlestar Galactica Series 3

I missed watching BSG series 3 on television by about two weeks, and decided that rather than miss an episode or two I would painstakingly wait over a year for it to come to DVD. Well last week the time came to watch it, all 16 Hours, in one go and let me tell you, it was entirely worth that wait.

Admittedly it peaked early and within the first 5 episodes it became a bit too much filler and not enough thriller. But saying that, the first few episodes were more thrilling and entertaining than all of DS9 and Voyager put together. The scene were the BS:G FTL’s into the atmosphere … I could’ve died happy then.

Sadly, the season didn’t end on quite a high … I won’t ruin specifics, but we discover identities of all but one of the remaining human cylon clones. You won’t be shocked and if you’re anything like me, you won’t give a shit either really. It started at a 10 and ended on a 9 … Depending on who you like anyway (Oh and Fat Apollo will disturb and scar you).

Overall it gets a solid 9.5/10, not the best series yet … but it has some of my favourite episodes/moments.

Condemned

Voiced by that chap in heroes, I was sold Condemned on the grounds it was a Police game with some Horror aspects. Wrong. Its a Horror game with some Police aspects. I was quite disillusioned initially as it felt like they were grasping at straws and the plot was … well … thin in places, but it was actually very atmospheric.

Although the difficulty was a little too easy with only one or two parts even requiring tactical fighting … since medikits were so common, you could basically do whatever you wanted and not really about the consequences. Also, its supposed to be made more threatening by the lack of firearms (or at least ammunition) to protect yourself with … but sadly, in many parts of the game guns are quite common. In fact, if you have any kind of aim and ammo conservation habits from more stringent horror games then you will be trying to decide which gun to take from like … 3. Times like that made me wish I could at least carry two weapons -.-

All in all, its a good game. Quite probably the best Horror game I’ve played in years … Sure, Bioshock has its scary moments … But condemned was pretty damn horrifying from start to finish. 8.2/10

Atonement

This, I will keep brief.

I can put up with some chicky flicks and stuff … but this was fucking awful.

If I didn’t get to see so much of teh nipples, I probably would’ve left. The sequencing was schizophrenic, the dialogue painfully cliché and the plot fell short of my expectations … neigh … It ran head first into them like an angry bull determined to destroy my fragile existence.

1.5 Stars /5 – Nipples are win. Keira Knightley haf secksy body. Otherwise, shit.

It’d only be fair to mention in retrospect that the main guy’s acting was actually pretty good, sadly … He couldn’t bring the rest of it back from the brink of suckitude. Oh. and the Library sex scene was pretty good.

Until next time boys and girls, have fun! Mark assures me he has something planned, but not a Stubbs the Zombie review.

Regards,
James.

Ps. For the Record, I wanted to see that 3:10 to Yuma, but apparently cowboy movies “look boring”. Sheesh.

PPs. I was quite proud of my comment on this video. (I’m JamesPR87 btw)