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Wit: A Lesson

I write this in the hope that somebody on the internet will read it and learn from it. If I can only help one person it is still an improvement. The goal is to educate you – the reader, as to what wit actually is.

Wit:

• a message whose ingenuity or verbal skill or incongruity has the power to evoke laughter
• brain: mental ability; “he’s got plenty of brains but no common sense”
• wag: a witty amusing person who makes jokes

Wit must adapt to it’s surroundings, circumstances and especially to what it replies to, so those standard replies you see on “wit” websites are in fact, not witty. “is that all you’ve got?” is not witty. “I fucked your mum” is especially not witty. The only reason you may find “Oh yeah? Well I’m smarter/bigger/stronger/better-looking than you” (or its partner in crime, “I’m not as bad/stupid etc as you”) witty is because it is as far from being witty as it is possible to be and is therefore close to wit, though on the other side.

I’m just sick of people thinking these things are witty when they are in fact about as intelligent as a sea sponge. Mindless Mario loving tossers.

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EA Fuck Up Contender For Game Of The Year

Another 360 victory, muthafucker!

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Yet More Sony Hilarity

Though actually in truth this is not actually that funny because it was to be expected. We know a cripple will fall over if he walks, and we know that Sony will now always fuck up when they attempt something. Still, cripples falling over is still one of THE FUNNIEST THINGS EVER TO WATCH, so I’m clearly reading too much into this.

Please note this entire post will rip off UK:R’s news, as usual. If we keep this up they might find out and be slightly displeased with us! That would be AWESOME, but only if we don’t tell them. Somebody send them an email, would you?

THANK GOD, HERE’S THE INTERESTING BIT
The LEGENDARY PS3 2.00 firmware update has ARRIVED on the perverted XBOX RIPOFF, bringing in the DESPERATELY NEEDED and INCREDIBLY USEFUL ability to turn on your PS3 with your PSP ANYWHERE! As long as you’re in a hotspot, which is apparently a small 2cm space in the ANTARCTIC that can be found only with a secret map buried in the tomb of Sony’s HOPES AND DREAMS. They also now have themes, which means PS3 users can now too be ripped off with overpriced official dashboard HACKS. There’s also something about playlists. but we were all CRYING WITH SHEER MIRTH here at WSAG, and were as such unable to read that part. I think it’s another thing the 360 already does anyway.

I’m sure Sony know better than I do, and that these features will be INCREDIBLY USEFUL, but I do wonder where, for example, the In-Game XMB* went. I guess EVIL GREMLINS WORKING FOR MICROSOFT HACKED REALITY and STOLE IT, before going back in time AN ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR and GIVING IT TO THEMSELVES. Gremlins… aren’t they wankers?

Still, here at WSAG the majority of us could make even the best PS3 firmware update EVER look terrible, so in order to show the validity of our point of view, here are some of the most DISAPPOINTED, ANGRY and DEPRESSED quotes from the comments on Threespeech, the Sony owned blog that pretends it isn’t. The original crap spelling has been left in so as to maintain the feeling of a room full of angry spastics:

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well well well

the excitement was well, NOT WORTHY of excitement

SHOCKING

Comment by komp — Nov 7, 2007 @ 4:05 pm

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“With the potential for new backgrounds to become available on PLAYSTATION®Network in the future, Version 2.00 truly opens up a whole raft of options.”

You gotta be f***ing kidding me! 2.0 brings the ability to turn on the ps3 with a psp and setting backgrounds? That’s it?! F**k you Sony.

Comment by Trond — Nov 7, 2007 @ 4:08 pm

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this has been something that gamers have been clamoring for since the beginning. and it was shown as a feature that would be standard out of the box

Its rediculous they just act like they are just figureing out there is massive demand for it (an option on the GAP survey….) I mean WTF ingame xmb should be IN THE WORKS, and the survey should have been between 3 features we’d never asked about. But with this survey it seems like they are trying to get by as long as possible without XMB access.

What bothers me is that with this announcement they arent even like, we are just about through with ingame XMB and should implement it shortly”, or “we are working through the bugs and it should be out by christmas”. But it seems to me like they are just sweeping it under the rug until they find a more opportune time to give us another feature that should have been there a year ago.

People can say all they want that you should listen to the game’s sound and custom soundtracks detract from gameing immersion, but there are obvious times: designer half a$$ed the music list (motorstorm), online games, driving games, where many people would rather have some of their own tunes overlayed.

Plus I dont think anyone could argue that not being able to send and view messages in game is a good thing.

Comment by nurayi — Nov 7, 2007 @ 6:40 pm

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And here’s one from a guy who apparently LIKES having SHIT SHOVELLED INTO HIS MOUTH:

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man you guys are a bunch of moaners.

they didnt do what they never said they would.

deal with it.

IF they are going to do it, then they will in their own time. im
sure they have their own reasons for not doing it in two and a half
seconds, but contrary to popular belief, SONY dont actually have magic
programmers who can type at three quarters of the speed of light.

besides if they gave all the features out straight away, what would
be left? it would just be the competition able to update and surpass.

leave SONY alone, they are giving you updates for free. they arnt
making you use them (unless you buy a new game), they arnt making you
pay for downloading them.

instead, thank them for bothering to support a system that costs $1000

as someone said earlier in the blog, if you want a console with xbox2 features so badly what you want is a xbox2.

Comment by Alan — Nov 7, 2007 @ 7:48 pm

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I love the logic of this post, like the belief you need to type at three quarters of the speed of light in order to program something WITHIN A YEAR and the mistaken thinking that Sony offering features is somehow a BAD THING, like CANCER. Still he’s right, the update is FREE, which is good, because no-one would PAY for it. However I HATE the bad spelling and AWFUL PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE which will probably BREAK THIS PAGE, if these lines haven’t already.

THE OTHER INTERESTING (AND PUZZLING) THING
JAPANESE HARDWARE SALES, WEEK ENDING NOVEMBER 4

DS: 78,597
PSP: 59,714
Wii: 37,617
360: 17,673
PS3: 17,434
PS2: 10,209

Even the PS2 was CRUSHED this week! And that was in Japan! All the Japanese have to do to earn our forgiveness now is keep things this way (well, except for the PSP, possibly the only thing I hate as much as the PS3) and force SQUARE-ENIX to close down or at least promise to stop making Final Fantasy and its endless derivatives.

TRULY THIS WAS A WEEK TO REMEMBER AND CHERISH FOR ALL. PS3 users finally got themes, and us non-braindead individuals got some CLASSIC comedy. We’ll be dividing Sony into 4 like BERLIN any week now.

*Don’t look this up, you have better things to do. Be satisfied that the X stands for Xross, and then quite possibly laugh to death at this stupid misspelling dreamed up by a Sony executive who thinks the letter X is cool and a suitable ALTERNATIVE to the perfectly useful letter C. In Sony Russia, THE CORRECT SPELLING PICKS YOU.

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Broaden Your Own Fucking Horizon!

I am starting to feel rather pissed off at people who tell me I don’t read enough books. One may feel this is fair summation these days as I haven’t bought myself a new novel in a year, except I am referring to the type of fucktards who only read James Herbert and Stephen King, alongside a couple of other horror writers who seem to vary between each retarded individual.

Stop feeling so superior just because you read a book the paper recommends. Everyone fucking reads it (except for myself, who is only bored by the authors concerned) and you don’t look any smarter or any more clever, you just look like a man who eats regurgitated shit.

I don’t hate these authors or their books; I can see the value in them, and have no problem with people enjoying their work. But stop pushing them on me like they’re the only fucking authors in a bookstore – and try reading something else for the love of a fake imaginary messiah. you tell me I should broaden my reading horizons. Try it yourself, you fucking twats.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to read some Simon Green… or maybe some Harry Harrison…

Next Week: Stop thinking Vampire Hunter D and Urotsukidoji are the only anime worth watching, YOU CUNTS. (Urotsukidoji is just fancy hentai anyway, you brainless wank.)

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This Proof of Another Lie is No Surprise

Oh, look, Kotaku got to see Killzone 2!

And it didn’t look as good as Sony tried to claim it would. It’s hardly a surprise, not only because somebody admitted to helping make the pre-rendered CGI trailer, but also because we’re not idiots. You hear me Sony? EUROPE <> ASSHATS. Do you HEAR ME?!

The sad part is that the PS3 will probably still sell like a million consoles (or however much we’re getting, it won’t be enough because no console manufacturer or creator seems to understand the simple concepts of supply and demand) when it comes out over here, due to the majority of the country being inhabited by a bunch of gormless drooling vandalising thieves who will buy it just because “Playstation, is like, well good, you fucking goth.” They’ve never played Deus Ex or Streets of Rage in their lives.

Or, as we intelligent beings hope, maybe SONY will FAIL and DIE, and sell like 7 consoles over here. This is also quite likely going by the dismal level of preorders. Even experts think Sony are dumb. Real experts! They probably have like labcoats with pocket protectors and EVERYTHING!

More lies doubtlessly coming soon. Like in the next Sony press release. They seem to have one at least every week, with ten new lies in it.

technorati tags:Killzone, Sony, LIES, Lies, HMV, GAME, Gamestation, Pre-Orders, Pre-Order, Order, Chavs, Chav, PS3, Playstation, Rant

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Backstab Critical Hit

Hah!

I am absolutely Outraged at this, and it makes my point perfectly. The control structure within Blizzard is a failure and every passing month (and batch of mistakes) shows us this.

I got irritated with reading all the fantastic threads on the WoW EU Forums, then noticing that all the Blue-Posts were on Junk Threads. Seriously, whats the point, they might aswell just be moderators not “Community Managers.”

I got banned for:
http://forums.wow-europe.com/thread.html?topicId=89059057&sid=1

Harassment my eye, fucking big girls blouses, people wouldn’t post that kind of stuff if you weren’t so god damn useless at your job.

You. Suck. Forum. People.

Sleeping now.